


bad ideas

by panlesters



Series: i don't know why (deleted scenes) [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Uni AU, idk what else to say it's soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23856739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlesters/pseuds/panlesters
Summary: His friendship with Phil is already more than enough. And now they're growing into something else, and he's teetering on the knife's edge between being bold and being really terrified.ori don't know why (i can't keep my eyes off of you), chapter 15.5
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: i don't know why (deleted scenes) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719151
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	bad ideas

**Author's Note:**

> sooo here's that little bonus chapter i promised! it's actually one of my biggest pet peeves to read the same scene from two different perspectives, but i really felt this calling to me, so i caved and wrote it!   
> this isn't meant to be read as a standalone piece, but as a companion piece to my chaptered fic, i don't know why (i can't keep my eyes off of you), so i recommend reading that first! this takes place after (or during) chapter 15   
> enjoy!!

He’s a little bewildered by this whole situation, if he’s honest. It’s a bit bizarre. It’s nice to have made a friend; more than nice, really, and maybe something other than a friend, too. But he’s been trying not to think about that.

There’s something about being in Phil’s home that makes him a little bold, makes him scoot over right next to Phil. He can feel their bare arms touching as he gets as close to Phil as he can. For once he doesn’t care if it makes him seem weird. Phil is staring intently at the screen in front of them as the Buffy episode starts, but he doesn’t look uncomfortable. He looks a little like he’s trying to hide a smile, like he’s trying not to look over at Dan. But that might just be his imagination.

He lets himself watch the first few minutes of Buffy before he makes his move. He wishes he could be more deliberate than this, settle into this position straight away. He’s sure they both know it’s going to happen, so why should they have to dance around it like this?

“Phil?” he says quietly. Phil’s head moves to look down at him, and _fuck_ , his eyes are so pretty. Dan’s not sure if he’s ever seen them so close before, and he can see all the different colours in them. “This okay?” he doesn’t get a response from Phil, just a dazed expression, and he can’t help but laugh. He thinks Phil’s eyes might have drifted down to his lips, or he might be imagining it. He waits a couple of seconds. “Okay?” he says again. And Phil’s eyes are definitely on his lips. He could lean up right now, press these lips to his, give them both what they want. What he _hopes_ Phil wants. It could mean anything, really. He could just be thinking again. Whatever the fuck he spends all his time thinking about.

Dan huffs a laugh again, and this time shoves his elbow against Phil’s.

“What?” and that’s cute. It’s dragged out and whiny, and Dan thinks it’s the most ridiculously adorable thing he’s ever heard.

“How many times do I have to ask you? Is this okay?”

“Oh!” he’s blushing. He’s _blushing_ , right in front of Dan, and his heart might melt right now. Phil’s head drops but it doesn’t hide the redness in his cheeks and ear and neck, all those places Dan would like to explore with his mouth. Oh. “Yeah, of course, it’s fine.”

“Alright, alright.” Dan can feel himself blushing at the idea of his mouth on Phil’s neck, Phil’s mouth on _his_ neck. And he’s laughing to distract himself, placing his head back on Phil’s shoulder, hoping Phil doesn’t see his own blush. There’s a weight on top of Dan’s head, then, and he can feel the comfort begin to seep into his limbs.

“This okay?” Phil asks. Dan grins. “Dan?” he says nothing, but he can’t help but laugh a little, as he continues to ignore Phil’s question. He hears a sigh, and then there’s a finger in his side. He shoots sideways and only just manages to contain a squeak, retaliating with an attempt to tickle at Phil’s side. Then they’re full-on playfighting like kids and ignoring Buffy, and Dan thinks this almost feels like it could lead somewhere, and then –

“Boys?”

He jumps away from Phil. They’re both breathing heavily, and a little red, and he knows exactly what she must think she saw. And _shit_ , that’s suddenly very scary. He can cope with this liking a boy thing when it’s just him who knows, when it’s just a concept that he can explore and figure out when he’s feeling brave. But the idea of an adult knowing, disapproving, hating… that’s too much for him to handle.

By the time Dan looks up again, Kath is gone. He must’ve missed that conversation, but maybe it’s for the best.

“Do you…” Dan begins. “Do you think… she thinks…” he doesn’t want to say it, but Phil cuts him off before he has a chance to finish, and for one sickening moment he thinks Phil doesn’t want to hear it either. He swallows, and shifts a little away from Phil.

“Uhh, where were we, anyway?” Phil says after a moment’s silence. He puts the DVD back a bit and they begin to watch again. Dan stays in his own space this time, collecting himself. He feels like Kath might be coming back, and he doesn’t want her to walk in on them half-cuddled together after what she already saw. He doesn’t miss the disappointment on Phil’s face when he looks up, though, and it makes his chest hurt. Maybe Phil really does want this. Maybe he’s just as terrified as Dan is of whatever is happening between them.

Sure enough, Kath does re-emerge with two steaming mugs. Dan whispers a thank you as he takes the mug, and he gets a warm, comfortable smile from Kath. It throws him off guard for a second, the idea that she saw him and Phil, doing… something on his bed, but she doesn’t seem angry with him. He smiles back and takes a little sip from his mug. Kath’s gone then, and Dan doesn’t think she’s coming back. He lets himself enjoy the hot chocolate. It tastes like some love went into it, and it makes Dan feel warm inside in more ways than one.

When he’s done, he feels a lot more comforted. He looks back at Phil, who is staring intently at the screen, like he’s actively trying not to look Dan’s way. He feels like maybe he’s hurt Phil more by keeping his distance than he did by making his mother think he might have a boyfriend. He shifts himself back along the bed until their arms are touching again, and Phil looks over with a soft, surprised expression.

“This okay?”

“Yeah.” His head finds its space on Phil’s shoulder and he lets himself get comfortable. He can feel Phil relax underneath him, and he finally feels like this was right all along, like every negative thought was just his own fear. They’re really doing this, really slowly, really gently. He’s not sure what’s happening, or what’s going to come from this, but he feels more comfortable here than he ever has in his life, and that’s enough for him.

Time doesn’t really mean anything to Dan until he starts yawning. And once he’s started, Phil is joining him. When Phil pulls out his phone, it’s past 2am, and they both decide maybe they should get some sleep. Dan thinks he might fall asleep on Phil if not, and whilst that might be really nice, he doesn’t want to have another run-in with Kath should she find them like that.

Dan doesn’t think before he pulls his shirt over his head to change into pyjamas, but he doesn’t miss Phil’s eyes on him before they quickly dart away to stare down at the floor. When Phil’s own shirt comes over his head, Dan steals his own glance. He’s surprised by the hair on Phil’s chest, but something inside him says it’s hot, and he lets it. They catch eyes a couple of times while they’re both shirtless. Dan didn’t expect this, stealing glances at each other in the middle of the night, alone in Phil’s room. But he can’t pretend he doesn’t like having Phil’s eyes on him, even if only for a second.

It feels wrong to be over on the other side of the room after a night of being so close to Phil. He looks so lonely, over there on that big bed by himself. For a few seconds, Dan allows himself to think what it might feel like to share a bed with Phil, tucked up in his side, an arm round him, feeling safe and comfortable and _happy_. Only for a few seconds, though. It’s still a little scary. He switches off the light so he can’t see Phil any more, in the hopes that he can sever the train of thought. It only half works, and they lie in silence for a few minutes whilst he gathers himself.

“Hey Phil?” he says eventually.

“Yeah.”

“I’m really glad you invited me here.” He really hopes he can convey how much he really feels it. Because he’s never felt this before; not just this longing, this _crush_ , he supposes he’d better call it. He feels like he has something akin to a best friend, and that’s incredibly new.

“Well, it was my mum who invited you really.” Dan frowns. He can’t work out if Phil is serious, or just an idiot.

“Alright then, I’ll go and wake her up right now to thank her.” He feels a little harsh, but when he hears Phil laugh, he laughs along with him. “Really, Phil. I can’t imagine she’d have invited me if you didn’t want me around. It’s just… nice. That you wanted me here.”

“Of course,” Phil says, almost silently. “I’ll always want you here.”

There’s a pang in Dan’s chest at that, and he lets out a bitter laugh. A laugh for the people who he always wanted to say that and never did, a laugh for the people who said that and never meant it. He wants to believe Phil is different. He does believe it, really. But it doesn’t stop the hurt.

“What?”

“Just…” Dan takes a deep breath. He can open up a little here in the dark. “I don’t know, no one’s ever really wanted me around that much before.”

“Oh,” Phil whispers. “I want you around.”

The intense sincerity in Phil’s voice is a little too much, and Dan closes his eyes and takes a breath.

“Thanks,” he says eventually. “I want to be around.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this one! i have another of these lined up a few chapters away, so let me know what you thought of this and maybe i'll keep them coming! comments are appreciated as always, come scream at me on tumblr @ pansexual-courfeyrac


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